An Open Letter to My First Love


Hello old friend. It’s me.

It’s been five whole months since I let you go. But please don’t think that I did it on purpose. It just happened. One minute, we were the best we had ever been together, and the next, I was pushing more and more space between us.

The awful truth is, I didn’t even realise I was doing it.

The same thing happened, as it always does – life got in the way. I lost purpose and direction, and because of that, in my spare time all I wanted to do was binge Netflix series. So that's what I did. 

And then I went away.

I tried to relight our fire again. Because what we had truly was amazing. But it didn’t work out like that, did it?

And then five weeks later, I was sitting on a train somewhere between Brussels and Paris. With nothing to do, I picked up a book. I took it slow. I flicked the pages, so that the sweet, familiar smell rushed over my face. I took in a big gulp of air, held it deep in my lunges for a few moments, before slowly releasing it. I ran my fingers over the first few pages, remembering what it felt like to love you.

I sat there, reading, until my stop.

And I felt it all rush back. The love, the inspiration, the madness. It wasn’t until the next morning when I woke, stretched out in my temporary bed, and had the sudden desire to come back to you, my love.


Terrified that desire would leave me, I quickly got out of bed, washed the night off my face, boiled the kettle, and sat down to write again. It felt so right. I was was were I needed to be. 


I’ve been going through a lot of changes lately. And I feel as though my mind is a muddle of thoughts and questions. For some reason, during this time, I stopped writing.

It wasn’t until I started reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert when I realised what I needed, to be able to figure out all the muddle in my head.

She put it very simply with a quote:

“I don't know what I think until I write it down.” – Joan Didion

If you’re a creative in need of some creative energy, order Big Magic right now. Or, just sit down and read. Reading really is the best medicine – for your mind, for your creativity, and for your soul. 


Tell me, what do you like to read when you're stuck in a rut?

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JournalChelsie MewComment